Resuming Sex After Childbirth: How Soon Is Normal?
Women’s health nurse Kathy Abernathy talk through the issues.
You’ve just had a baby, so it really shouldn’t be surprising if sex isn’t the first thing on your mind! You’re probably exhausted and not to mention still a bit sore. It is estimated that up to 90% of first-time mothers who deliver vaginally will have torn tissue or an episiotomy (a small cut). Additionally, if you’ve had a caesarean section your wounds will be equally painful. As such, doctors and midwives generally advise that you should wait until the six-week postnatal check until you resume a physical relationship with your partner. All told, how soon until you start having sex should be both a medical as well as a personal decision.
A study in June 2013’s BJOG: An International Obstetrics and Gynaecology Journal, found that by six weeks 41% of first-time mothers had had vaginal sex. By 12 weeks this had risen to 78% of women. Mothers were more likely to have sex by six weeks if they had delivered their child vaginally. Only about a third of women who had an episiotomy had resumed sex by six weeks. [1]
You may also be experiencing additional changes to your body. Although you probably expect your vagina to feel different after childbirth, you may experience some dryness -possibly for the first time.
Registered midwife Kate Rudd assures that; “It’s perfectly normal for a woman’s vagina to feel slightly drier than usual after childbirth. This is linked to the lower levels of oestrogen in your body compared to when you were pregnant. Additionally, breast feeding can contribute to vaginal dryness, however once you stop breastfeeding and your periods have returned to normal, your levels of oestrogen revert to pre-pregnancy levels.”
However, don’t let this deter you from intimacy between you and your partner. Kate recommends that for the first couple of times it may help to use a lubricant or vaginal moisturiser. She continues;
“A lubricant can be used to alleviate vaginal dryness by putting a couple of drops on the entrance or inside the vagina, additionally a couple of drops can be used before you have sex. If you use a vaginal moisturiser such as Sylk it is 100% natural and as such creates the feeling of natural lubrication which should make it more comfortable for you and your partner.”
Here are some other tips from Kate to ease yourself into post birth sex.
- Firstly to combat exhaustion, accept all offers of help with your baby and the house so that you can rest. Once you’re fully rested you may feel more comfortable and ready to resume your sexual relationship.
- Try to choose a time when you’re least likely to be disturbed by your baby – after a feed, for example.
- Talk to your partner about how you feel about the changes to your body and the ways in which you might like – or not like – to be touched.
- Gently explore your vagina with your fingers so that you can discover if there is any pain or change for yourself first.
- Don’t go straight for full penetration. Oral sex or mutual masturbation may be easier to begin with.
- Try using a lubricant and make sure you are fully aroused before penetration.
- Regularly practice pelvic floor exercises – they can make a huge difference.
- Try positions that limit penetration.
- If the problem continues discuss any pain with your GP or practise nurse. Try to talk about this with your partner if it’s causing problems in your sex life. That way, you can deal with it together rather than worrying about it on your own.
[1] BJOG: An International Journal of Obstetrics & Gynaecology
Volume 120, Issue 7, pages 823–830, June 2013